To all those desparately awaiting the answer to the relative hard or softness of Plantation Lane… The judge knelt, felt, and proclaimed it to be hard. This was some time after the initial conversation, so unfortunately, the amount of interest in the road’s hardness had cooled considerably. In fact, he was a little confused why I was draggin him out into the road, and even expressed concern for getting hit by a car. As if his mother would let him get hit by a car! Now feel the road, dammit, the Internet wants to know!!

UNFORTUNATELY, the ride after the feeling of the car was hellish in OH so many ways. First, as soon as we were in the car, Ethan started to list several complaints about his body. In fact, he wasn’t even complaining, just informing me.

“Mommy, my ears hurt.”

DING DING DING DING!

“I’m coughing a lot, Mommy.”

“My eye is all goopy, Mommy.

Kid, you had me at “my ears hurt.”

I had the doctor on the phone, a SAINT of a woman whom I now love and adore more than anything. I asked if we could come in, and on hearing the affirmatived, informed her we’d be there in 20 minutes, about how long it takes to get from Ethan’s school to the doctor.

There are basically 2 exits off of 66 to get to our abode, and one of the exits have 2 routes one could take. So all in all, 3 possible ways to get to the main street that has all the developments on it. We took one route. It was WAY backed up by an accident, so then I, so cunningly, so COYLY, scootched over to a backroad which would take me around all the traffic, PAST the accident, and sail us on down to the main drag. All that intrigue, and it was for NAUGHT. The accident, snafu, whatever it was, was still past where we came out, and the cop directing traffic was turning EVERYONE AROUND. Including us.

I will spare you all the rest, but basically, it took us an hour to get to the doctor, with a stop to “water the grass” (IN THE RAIN!! I made sure we were standing DOWNWIND) and a stop to fill the gas tank (No euphemisms there, we really had to fill up with gas, it just sounded like it was slang for something nasty and dirty, but it wasn’t! totally clean here!)

So, finally, at the doctor’s office (who WAITED FOR US, BLESS HER HEART!) we discovered that Ethan was on sick boy.

Ear infection. Conjunctivitis (that’s pink eye, folks) (apparently, these two things often go hand in hand. Who knew? Not me.) Swollen glands. Swollen tonsils. Sore throat. Snotty snotty snotty nose. Slight fever.

My poor boy. After spending forever in the car, and then visiting the doctor, we then wended our way to Target and settled in to wait for his prescriptions to be filled, which was really starting to put him way past his bedtime. Then home, a snack, medicine, eye drops, and bedtime.

Anyway. I spent yesterday at home with Ethan, and James stayed with him today. I couldn’t today, because I got *cough* had to go to DC for some more training, and thus.. sigh… hand to forehead, I just HAD to go to perfect pita. Damn I love that place. I also finally met up with a friend of mine from the place where I temped for a month, and that was nice too. She’s the kind of gal who even when we first met, it seemed like we’d known each other for years, and we talk and the time zips by until I have to skedaddle back to training or be LATE!

Ethan seemed a lot better tonight, still a lot of coughing, and now it has turned all wheezy, which I wonder if I should be concerned about or not. His eye is much better as well. Tomorrow, BACK TO SCHOOL!

I’ll try to update again tomorrow, because this weekend, I am hosting another dreaded party, this time, of the Southern Living at Home, variety. This time, it looks like it’s not going to be that great of a showing, either, which makes me wish the earth would crack open and swallow me up, because you know, throwing a party and having no one come is never a happy thing. Ugh. I’ll be so glad when it’s over. I’m never doing one of these again.

EVER.

amy melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

Tonight is Bunko night. Am I at Bunko night, you ask? No, I answer, I am not.

While bunko is a ton of fun, it just always seems that it goes about an hour after I’m ready to call it a night. This week I’ve been working on a project at work that had to be completed (ish, it’s still in QA) by today. Last night I was up til 12:30pm. I just felt like vegging out at home tonight, so I called a friend to sub for me at Bunko.

Tomorrow James and I are going out with another couple to have dinner at Coastal Flats and then see the new Harry Potter thrillah. The sitter comes at 6pm. Oooh I can’t wait. It’s going to be nice to go out by ourselves. Hopefully we can make this an at least once a month type dealio.

About two weeks ago, Jocelyn was throwing herself on the floor in a tantrum at every little thing that didn’t go her way. This week, it’s been an about face. SO happy, so delighted, so tickled to see you! and you! and that thing over there! and the kitty! KITTY! THOMAS! Pat! Pat! Pat! (patting her hands against her chubby little knees)

Last night was a school night for James, so it was me and the kids. I made some quick PBJs for dinner and after they’d eaten we went upstairs. We (OK, more like I) cleaned up their bedrooms and then I vacuumed them and the hallway. Took about 20 minutes, and then the three of us hung out in Ethan’s room and played with his train table. He got it for Christmas last year and while he played with it a lot, it seemed to come as the Whole! Train! Excitement! was coming down off the initial high. It also didn’t help that his little sister wasn’t even 1 at that point, and would come to the table and destroy whatever he built. So we moved it into his room, but honestly, he doesn’t play in his room that often. The last month or two though, we’ve come into his room and there’ll be something super cute set up. Like, the train tracks will be laid out in a simple circle or figure eight, but he’ll have put one of his books, opened like an upside down V, over the tracks for a home-made tunnel/mountain.

So we were in his room last night and I dug into my brain and actually remembered how to set up the tracks the way they were made to go (with only several pieces left over!) (it’s been a while!). The really amazing part was the realization that Jocelyn is now the right age to be able to play with them. She doesn’t immediately grab the tracks and fling them everywhere, instead she takes a train and tries to run it around the track, complete with “choo choo!” noises. The only trouble we had was when she took some of Ethan’s train (he had all 2,358 train cars hooked up to his engine. He could spare them.)

Sometimes it’s interesting to consider how having children has changed us. Or even just changed me. I like to think that there are some universal changes that happen to ALL parents, everywhere. Parents of the Internet, correct me if I’m wrong, but from those I’ve talked to, I think I’m right:

• all babies and toddlers seem cuter than they did before parenthood struck.This is an important one, because it actually does not take into account whether said child is actually BEING cute. They could be throwing a major tantrum in aisle nine of the grocery store, but they will still be cute. Instead of the feelings of annoyance and frustration, there’s a pang of empathy for the parent, commiseration, and even in the kid’s channeling of Satan Himself, the kid will still be cute. Pre parenthood, one thinks, “They should just drown these creatures so the rest of us can shop in peace.” Post-parenthood, one can’t help but think that the way their lower juts out and the chin trembles just before they launch into the new fit of bawling, and really, they are just pretty cute.
• stories, programs, commercials, snippets from the news, ANYTHING involving children in any sort of danger or trouble cannot be tolerated. This one may be just for mothers, I didn’t see james bawl during the CSI that had the baby die from being left in a car in 100 degree heat. that really happened recently here in the DC area. I cried in my car when I heard it. Sure, I was sad to hear these things before I became a mother, but now, it is heart breaking that such abominations can come to pass.

I’m tired of this list, so I think I’ll stop. But non-parents be forewarned. You baby doesn’t arrive with the warning label: “Having me will and probably already has altered the way you experience anything to do with children.” So I just consider it my act of public service for the day.

OK, a bit scattered of a post, but I’m a scattered kind of gal.

another list for you:

Things Ethan/Jocelyn have done recently that made me blink in surprise and/or smile:

• gotten up out of bed to turn off his closet light*
• informed me the next morning, when I asked him if he turned off his closet light, “Yes Mommy, I didn’t want to waste e-lim-ni-city (electricity) (!!!!! can you beleive he said this? the boy does listen after all!)
• Run after Jocelyn screaming, “I’m going to GET YOU!” while she ran away, screaming in delight
• When James brought some paper towels to the table at the end of dinnertime, said, “Hands, daddy!” and reached out, took the paper towels, and started to “wipe” her hands
• Jocelyn likes to hide behind the rocking chair in her room. It’s like a little ritual. I get her diaper and jammies on, she expresses her delight on having jammies on, “JAMMIES!!!!” and then as I stand up and get her story, she runs behind the chair and WAITS there until I say, “Where’s Jocelyn? Where could she be?” and then she runs out and grins at me, sparkling with excitement from head to toe.
• Sat on the couch where the cat’s tail drooped down from where she was sleeping. Brought her face closer and closer to the fuzzy tail, and then screeched with glee as the tail twitching from said cat tickled her face. Rinse, Repeat, – for 5 minutes.

* This summer we finally got him out of the habit of sleeping with his OVERHEAD light on. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth (us and him) and the closet light stayed on, always, to keep any boogie monsters away (not that I would ever utter such a phrase and put it in his head. we’d never hear the end of it)

I need some tea. I think I’ll go get some.

Hello Internet. I have a message for Brenda. I will wait while you go fetch her.

Brenda,

Rob, the claims guy from Enterprise has called for you on my cell phone. He’d like you to call concerning a claim number that he garbled and I couldn’t understand. He’d appreciate it if you would call him back as soon as possible.

Maybe when you do, you could mention to him that he doesn’t have your correct phone number, and I would have called him back and told him he dialed wrong, except that he didn’t leave a number. You could also mention that the name AMY sounds NOTHING LIKE BRENDA, and if he had bothered to even HALF listen to the voice mail message, he should have realized he got the wrong number ALL ON HIS OWN.

Thanks Brenda.

OK, hi Internet, I’m back.

Well, I’ve made my effort to pass along the message.

Now I can delete it.

* Name the movie! It’s one of my favorites!

It’s storytime!

I am walking down the hall from my cube to the kitchen when I remembered that I wanted to fill up my water bottle. Water = good. So, I turned back.

Then I thought, I can put my lunch in the microwave and THEN come get my water bottle thus saving time waiting around for the microwave to finish. So I turned back toward the kitchen.

THEN I thought about the distance between point A, my desk, and point B, the kitchen, and decided that my progress between point A and point B was less than 50% and thus turned back to head to my desk to retrieve said water bottle.

It was at this point that I realized that I just circled in place like a dog and if I kept this up someone was going to walk by and give me a bone or something so I beat it back to my desk and sat there, peering around the cubicle wall to see if anyone had seen my strange behavior and was shooting me “weird crazy new-girl” looks.

What’s that? Another story? But I just told you one!

Well, all right, but JUST THIS ONE.

The people that design women’s work wear, have no compassion. DO WOMEN NOT NEED POCKETS IN THEIR SKIRTS??? The answer is NO. Err, Yes. What was the question? I need pockets! And yet, none of my skirts have any. NONE. This is my fault, of course, for buying them w/out pockets in the first place, but seriously, if I waited around for pockets, I’d have no clothes. And while the walking in place in a circle thing would have been embarrassing if someone had caught me, I’m guessing it’d have been even more so with no clothes.

So, no pockets. This has led to some drastic changes in my being. For one, my cell phone has always been my mode of telling the time. I haven’t worn a watch since I was in high school. For some reason after the one I wore broke, I just never could find one I liked as much, and then I was used to NOT wearing one, and didn’t like the way they felt. The cell phone is always in my pocket, so if I needed the time, I just fished it out and checked.

So, when I was working in DC, taking the train, taking the metro, walking walking to my office.. Well, I really needed somewhere to stash my phone so I didn’t have to go rooting through my bag looking for it. One would think “Just buy a watch, dumbo,” but seriously, so strict was my non-watch attitude, that it never even occured to me. Until I found the perfect place for my phone – right in the middle of my bra. I would look around covertly and snuggle the phone down in between the boobs. I would walk merrily from office to metro station and be able to check the time with only getting a few strange looks a day. However, the “non-watch” philosophy was quickly shaken to it’s foundations after I had it on vibrate a few times and just about jumped out of my skin when it went off. Now, THAT will wake you up in the morning!

So, I wear a watch now. I searched and searched and found a watch that I could live with. It’s more of a bracelet, a piece of jewelry really, than a watch. It’s awful purty! The lasting effects of the no pockets situation however, is that now I randomly stick things in my bra when I have no where else to carry them. When I drop Ethan off at school, we have a security card to get into the building. Ethan likes to hold it and “beep!” us in, but then I take it and stash it away securely.

Other items that have been known to reside with the breasts:

1. My keys (this one is a daily occurance).
2. Many packets of Equal sweetener (also daily).
3. Spare Kleenex (but not in the usual way tissues are stuffed in the bra, I promise I don’t need them like THAT.)
4. Pens, paperclips, and various small office supplies.
5. Socks (Mine, Ethan’s, or Jocelyn’s. Never James. Ew.)
6. And in the last week, cough drops.

Sometimes when I get undressed for bed and take off my bra, the weirdest things show up that I have no recollection of putting in there. I think all the items are gettin’ busy and multiplying. PARTY IN THE BRA! NO COVER CHARGE!

Ahem.

OK, storytime’s over! Now off to bed!

Dana: You have good ideas a lot. I find myself saying, ‘Natalie’s got a good idea.’
Natalie: But you also find yourself saying ‘Natalie, if you screw that up again I’ll set you on fire.’
Dana:That’s true too, and yet it’s the good idea thing that I’m focusing on right now.
Dana: What was the last good idea you had?
Natalie: When I got up this morning I decided not to stick my hand in the blender.
Dana: That’s what I mean.

—

Dana: I think your job stinks. You get to create your own show, and make all the decisions, and have a big staff, and make a lot of money. That’s not for me, Isaac, I like to answer to people, I don’t want to create. When I get a thought it my head, I like it to die right there.

—

Issac: Dana, the things that I say in my office, stay in my office.
Dana: Natalie’s my second-in-command, she’s the only one I told.
Natalie: Jeremy’s my boyfriend, he’s the only one I told.
Jeremy: … I told many many people.

—

I love Sportsnight. You should all go rent Season 1.

First off, I’d like to say that I think the title should be asked for at the bottom of the post, and not the top. Not that this is in any of your hands, but when I go to post, there’s the title field, right there front and center. Well, I’m not ready for a title yet, because my mind has a zillion things of which it hasn’t selected one of, to write on.

Yes, I ended with a preposition. Bite me.

This weekend was kind of shitty. But the more depressing question that has been pressing itself on my mind, is WHY? I honestly have not been able to figure it out. There have been little shitty things and events that have happened, but I don’t think it was any of these specifically, just that my mind has not been able to wrap itself around any of them in a way that makes me a happy person, instead, I have dealt and dwelled on them until I am an unhappy person. If I could just figure out that different way of wrapping my mind around them all, I think I could change the outcome of the shitty weekend. I know I can do this, I’ve done it before, but driving in to work this morning all I could think about was just how shitty I feel and now I have a whole shitty week in front of me and I think I’ll go eat worms.

So, the weekend. I’m going to take a page out of mimi smartypants’ book and go with a numbered list as opposed to narrative. Don’t go to that link until you’ve finished reading my post, because once you do, unless you already know of mimi (which I’m sure you have, because blogging has been around forever and she’s awesome and with me just starting to blog now i am being such a poser and don’t i know all the GOOD bloggers started five years ago already?)

1. Weigh-in Saturday am was good – down 5.2 lbs. Yee ha! I celebrated with a Whopper at lunch, and then also had some Wendys for a very late dinner, with fries, but I feel perfectly vindicated in this because of the circumstances which I’m sure will be discussed further down the list. So. Anyway. Yay me.

2. Went to get a new pocket calendar for my purse because I keep needing to refer to January in my current one and hello! January is after year’s end and mine only goes to December. I’ve been needing a new one for a while now, so I finally went to GET it, taking Jocelyn with me, and when I got there and managed to look at the ones the store had, and had picked one out (not an easy task with Jocelyn “helping”), it turns out I had left my wallet at home. The reasons of which also will be discussed further down on this list, which I think will be number….

3. Ethan went down for his nap with such enthusiasm that James and I looked at each other in awe. Was this our child? In his bed? SLEEPING???? It turns out, it wasn’t our normal happy child. It was our poor, sick child, as we learned after he woke up. I was down in the kitchen making pineapple fluff when I heard his door open and close. I called to him to come down, but no answer. So I walked up and there he was, sitting on the top step all forlorn and sick. He was burning up when I led him back to bed and laid him down to rest while I fetched drink of water, thermometer, children’s motrin. Turns out the fever was up to 104.5, which is in the danger zone they always tell you about — they don’t want to see the kid RIGHT AWAY if it’s not over 102. So I fetched my wallet (thus it not being in the right place for later use), got out his health insurance card and called them up and procured an appt for 7pm. Which sucked, because when you go to urgent care, you are always there for hours and hours, so likely we wouldn’t be home until late, and yes, we weren’t home until 11:30pm.

The doctor covered his bases (one good thing about urgent care) and ordered a throat culture, blood test, urine analysis and xray. He couldn’t manage peeing in a cup, but everything else was done, and I must say that little boy is a trooper. When we finally saw the doctor again with the results all in, he basically said it was probably just a cold but they were going to put him on antibiotics anyway. So then we got to wait another 40 minutes for the prescription to be filled before we piled back in the car and headed home. I was starving at this point, which is where Wendy’s comes in.
The night went all right, I’d set my alarm for 6 hours after he’d been given the last dose of motrin, and James went in to deliver some more. Unfortunately, he’d thrown up in his bed. This was due I’m sure to me giving him a dose of his prescription right away, which can cause an upset stomach if taken on an empty stomach. To my credit, I had gotten him some chicken at Wendy’s too, but that exchange went something like this:

me: Are you eating your chicken, Ethan?
him: No, I’m going to wait until we get home.
me: Honey, when we get home we’re going straight to bed. Have some chicken now. Have some bites.
him: I’m going to wait until it cools down.

Of course, he was asleep about 30 seconds after this, thus no food. So anyway, James popped him into our bed with me while he changed the sheets and remade the bed and then popped him back into his bed, medicated again. The next went all right except that his cough had changed from a wet, congested, bringing-up-snotty-mucus sort of cough to a dry, rattling and somewhat barky cough. Uh oh. This is the first warning sign of croup. Other than that, he was really doing very well, so we decided to go get James new shoes. We are going to the ballet next weekend and I sold James dress shoes on Ebay last spring (he hated them, they pinched his shoes, I wasn’t just randomly looking around for things to sell) so we had to get him something he could wear instead of his sandals. Just as we were finishing up, Ethan took a turn for the worse and it seemed like he coudln’t talk at all, so we high-tailed it on home. I got back on the phone with the Kaiser people and made him an appointment for monday morning. James and I discussed it, and determined that I should stay home with him today because James had stayed home the last two days that someone was sick and couldn’t go to school/daycare. Then I realized that I couldn’t stay home. I am getting fingerprinted today. Doh. So James is home with Ethan.

Look, I got all narrative on you.

I have to go get fingerprinted now. More later.

Well I’m back, and it’s this afternoon now. I just have to say that I’m feeling much better. I hope that Ethan is also feeling better, because when I talked to him on the phone (James called me so that Ethan could ask me where his “Trains” book is, how cute is that) he sounded like an 80-year-old man with a cigarette habit. Just imagine that.

I’m beginning to think (not for the first time) that my mental problems all stem from a lack of sleep. When I get all depressed and tripped out, I usually look first at how much sleep I’ve gotten the night before. Seriously. I gotta have teh 8 hours. And me not so much with the 8 hours lately. Thursday I stayed up way too late and in the morning, I decided sleep was much more important that a shower. That of course was the day the boss decideded to take me and another new coworker out to lunch. Look at that up there. I typed in “decideded”. It’s like my fingers just didn’t want to stop. decidededededed.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this so that the whole 3 of you who were reading didn’t get all bummed out because I was bummed out. I still think worms might be tasty, but not as much as this morning and last weekend. I promise I won’t veer into oncoming traffic on my way home tonight.

Tonight! Halloween! Kind of sucks because James has class, but we figured we will get the kids ready and go trick or treating with them at like 5:45 (yes, we will be THOSE PARENTS who go out with their kids incredibly early and you think, “gee, it can’t be trick or treaters ALREADY?! Yes it can, and here we are. Ding Dong!) and then we’ll come home and they’ll stay in their costumes til bed and we’ll answer our own door and hand out candy til bedtime. I’m sure I’ll post pictures soon. I’ll have to figure out how to do that.

Have you ever really looked at the lines on your hands and fingers? It’s really very cool. Most of my fingerprints have a swirl that goes up and then back down but never connects into an actual circular pattern. Like looking at a tongue sticking out and upward, only in profile. But then I do have like, 2 fingers that DO connect and have little circles in the very middle. It’s weird how I have both, at least, I think it is. I wonder if most people only have one or the other, or if I’m normal in this regard. It reminds me of Dr. Johnny Fever on WKRP in Cincinati, sacked out under his desk, staring at his hand and saying, “Duuuuude… your hand is like a little tiny.. freeway.. The thumb is the off ramp..” and continuing on while the laugh track grows in quantity. It’s funny how I never got when I was a kid that he was either always stoned or drunk or perhaps both. I love(d) that show. My mom did too, thus, how I have seen every episode ever made.

Off to work some more.

1. Leaving every light on on the floor you’re not on. I don’t care that you didn’t turn them on. You left the room with the light on, and eventually the floor, and don’t you think our $350 electric bill is HIGH ENOUGH?2. Saying you’re “On it.” when I’m nudge you to go get the girlie in her crib at 8:00 7:00 am and is so bored and has been awake for so long that she’s kicking the wall through the bars of her enclosure, but not budging for another 20 minutes except to say (again without budging) as I get up and throw on some clothes, “Oh, I’ll get her.”

3. ….. The fact that that fucking game gets more face time than I do. Netflix, I will now be embracing you.

So I ended my marathon of saved up Gilmore Girls the other day, and I have to say, that Alexis Bledel is just stunning, especially with the new ‘do. When she has her hair a certain way, she very reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn. James came into the room, and I had to comment.

me: “Isn’t she beautiful? She sure has grown up.
him: “I wouldn’t toss her out of bed.”
me: “ME NEITHER!”
him: I’M BLOGGING THIS!”

dan: You once took a vacation in Napa and visited a small vineyard there. You said you tried some wine that you loved and you’ve never been able to find it anywhere. I thought I remembered the name but I wasn’t sure. Is this it?
dana: Yes.
dan: Good. I always like wine and cheese.
dana: I know.
dan: I wanted to get you some cheese. There’s a great cheese place over on Second Avenue. I went over there after I got the wine, but it’s gone. There’s a hardware store there now.
dana: That’s okay.
dan: So, I got you some spackle!