About 12:30, last night. Me – already in bed. James – coming to bed after his spree of massive destruction in World of Warcraft:

amy: “James, we can’t do this anymore”

james: “do what?”

amy: “The Chickens keep crowing”

james: “are you awake?”

amy: zzzzZZZZzzzZZZZ

james: “Amy?”

amy: “The Chickens keep crowing…”

I haven’t done this in a while, but today’s meetings had some good ones:

– Who’s next? Ben? What’s going on in Ben-dom?

– So what’s happening? What’s going on with that? Tell me about all the fixes you’re doing.
– I’m doing all the fixes.

– Well, Mr. X is taking another position within the organization, so it’s possible that this project will be taken over by Ms. Y–
– DOH!
(Ms. Y = troublemaker)

– I’m working on [a project] & [the client contact] needs to go back to the first grade.

– They’ve got to straighten out their paperwork, because it is a mess.
– I had an O.B. like that once.

(a minute later)

– Is it my turn? Are you finished? You done with your O.B. thing?

Do you also bounce up and down when the mimi notify list email drops into your email box letting you know that mimi has once again updated her diary?

Well maybe you should start!

Go read today’s mimi smartypants, and then come back. I’ll wait. (sign up for her notify list while you’re there.)

That Nora. She just kills me.

Normally I don’t order you to leave my website, in fact, I usually prefer people to stay and read a while, but mimi’s mention of child-nipples reminded me of an exchange with Ethan. then Tiny Kingdom, with all the discussion on nuts, also reminded me of it. (btw, if you haven’t read her post about discussing the birds and the bees, then you should go check that out too.)
It all started when I observed a little brown dot on Ethan’s scalp as I was brushing his hair.

me: You are probably going to have a lot of moles, like your daddy.
him: moles?
me: yes, moles. they are little brown or red bumps on your skin. Like this one. (I point out a small mole on his forearm.)
him: that’s a mole?
me: yup. Daddy has lots of moles.
him: I only have ONE. …. wait.. (he lifts up his shirt, and points to his nipples.) Are these moles?
me: No, those are your nipples.
him: Does daddy have nipples?
me: Yes, everyone has nipples.
him: Me too! I have two nipples, and one mole!

Later, we were reading Otto goes to the Beach, where a girl cat is featured wearing a two piece bathing suit.

him: what’s that? (pointing to the top part of the girl cat’s bathing suit)
me: that’s the top of her bathing suit. Girls bathing suits cover up their nipples.
him: But my bathing suit doesn’t.
me: nope, it doesn’t.
him: why?
me: because when girls grow up, they get boobies, but boys don’t. So even though they don’t have breasts when they’re little, they still cover up where they will be someday. They’re private.
him: I won’t have breasts. I just have my boy bits. that’s my penis.
me: that’s right.

Back to Mimi, I also get frustrated with the girl everything found everywhere. While Ethan was ecstatic to receive a few t-shirts with Lightning McQueen and Mater on them, I know Jocelyn would also appreciate clothing sporting the CARS heros, but of course, there are none to be found on girl clothing. A few months ago, she was dead set on wearing Ethan’s monster truck shirt, which he graciously allowed, and I would love to get her some sports shirts, just one with a soccer ball on it would do. But no. None to be found.

Blarg.

In shocking news, today the world was stunned to learn that President George W. Bush is not a robot. Instead of repeating the party line verbatim, President Dubya speaks frankly and honestly with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and even lets the word “shit” escape his lips.

“I just couldn’t beleive it. This is the happiest day of my life,” stated one local man on hearing the news. Others were not so convinced.

“It’s just a conspiracy, man. It was all staged by the GOVERNMENT.” shouted one man before boarding the metro to L’Enfant Plaza in Washington, DC. “I’m telling you. Bush is nothing but a talking head, spouting what they WANT us to hear, man. Don’t fall for it!”

News organizations around the world are shoving other stories aside to bring us this important news, CNN leading the pack in refering to it as “the shit heard round the world.” On being asked whether this could mean that Condoleeza Rice may also be human, one reporter turned white, and muttered, “Now let’s not go that far.”

Film at 11.

co-worker 1: I told him to tell you to just do a half-assed job.

co-worker 2: Yes, but I told him I don’t know how to do a half-assed job.

co-worker 1: I can help you with that.

the rain is coming down, giving the world a scrub and making it look all fresh and green and lovely. My cube-mate and I are looking at it through our office window:

amy: the world is in such high resolution.
amy: I can’t beleive I said that.
cube-mate: I can’t believe you did either.
amy: yeah that was one that I shouldn’t have said out loud.
amy: it looks so clear. so crisp.
cube-mate: probably because of the rain.
amy: probably because i put in fresh contacts this week.

I stumbled onto a local blog which I’ve quite been enjoying lately – Cartwheels at Midnight. The community of friends over there have burst into an idea of a traveling journal – The journal will travel from blogger to blogger, where the recipient will take a page and add her contribution, and then mail it on to the next in line. I fell in love with the idea and emailed begging to be allowed to join in, and yay! I am now in the Ultimate Mailing Matrix. I’ve already started wondering what the hell I’m going to put on my page of the journal.

The project is still forming, but even after it has LAUNCHED, you can still jump in and join. I beleive the journal will just continue to get mailed, and new people will be added into the Ultimate Mailing Matrix until the journal is filled up. So head on over and join up now – it will be a ton of fun.

I did have a few suggestions to the project, and a LOT of the ideas for it are (were) discussed in the comments, so be sure to read those too:

Traveling Blogger Journal:
The Genesis (read COMMENTS)
The Escalation
The Plan
The Rules

If you want to sign up, email your snail mail address to cartwheels at mac dot com.

-amy shimmy shimmy shimmies.

I had a pretty rough week at work last week filled with looming deadlines and under the breath muttering and finally finishing up with a too-loud-for-the-office “talk” on Thursday with fingers pointing about who’s to blame with Friday kind of on a low simmer all day long. It is nice to look on this week as fresh and new with a lot less stress. Monday morning idealist. Yes, that is what I am. Come Wednesday, I’ll slink in all cynical and downtrodden. But today is Monday and it’s beautiful outside and ahhh.. life is nice.

I have a lot of meetings every other week on Friday, and last week was a meeting Friday. I brought in a notepad, and jotted down the amusing things folks said in the 1.5 hours of meetings I attended:

“I told them no, I’m not doing it until I get all the content. I’m like a hostess, I’m not going to seat you until your whole party is here. Give me ALL of it, and THEN you’ll get your webpage.”

“No, I haven’t even thought of that project. It’s not even on my plate yet. It’s not even in the fridge. It’s back at the grocery store, that’s how far I am to getting to it.”

“Well, I had a problem with this project. So I waited a while, and it went away.”

“I’m doing a lot of stuff. I just don’t want to talk about it.” (This was in a meeting specifically for keeping everyone updated on what you’re doing.)

– “Well, so I can use Charley then, since he’s not busy.”
– “No you can’t, I said I was going to use Charley. I called him. I CALLED DIBS ON CHARLEY!”

• Silicon lube, and silicon toys, do not go together. If you try to use them both at once, you will end up with a big glob of unusable silicon. So please, people, try to keep your lube and your cock rings and your vibrators and dildos all straight.
• some dildos come with very powerful suction cups, which can then be used to thwack your plastic shlong onto a handy surface for use, such as the headboard, the shower wall, the bathroom floor, the bathtub, etc.
• there are THREE DIFFERENT TYPES of lube. water based, silicon based, and some other kind that I can’t remember. Also, if you’re prone to yeast infections, stick with glycerin-free.

Here are the many ways in which the vagina was referred to throughout the evening:

• hoo-ha
• hoo-nanny
• Princess *
• Her Royal Highness
• Noonee *
• “area”

There were some other ones, but they were the usual words used to refer to this area, and are therefore boring.

*That’s right, I used “princess,” just because it’s hilarious to say, “My princess is scared of that thing on page 18” – it just cracks me up. I also used Noonee, because of the SNL skit with the woomba. Tina Fey rocks.

I am totally taking my catalog to the next neighborhood bunko party. Forget Party Lite and Southern Living, it’s time for a Temptations sex toy party! Yee-ha! – amy hopes her parents don’t read this. if so, oh well.

Jocelyn’s visit to the doctor went well, by the way. No antibiotics needed (thank god, she’s bee on so freakin’ many), although it may be needed in the future. Basically she said she had a cold, and that it may develop into a sinus infection, but it may go the other way and get better. Last night she slept soundly, no coughing, no crying, so I think she’ll be on the mend. I got a great night’s sleep too, and feel like a NEW WOMAN! Can someone tell me where the old one went? I’d at least like to send her a postcard.

So last night, I was running a bath and getting everyone ready to get in, when Ethan pulled his pants down and gave me this sly little grin. “I don’t have underwear on Mommy.” he said.

!!!!!!

I couldn’t help laughing, as I asked him why, and the reason he gave was that I didn’t set any out for him the night before. Then I really laughed, and pointed out that I didn’t put out any socks for him either, but he managed to get those himself just fine. He giggled and said something to the effect of yeah, he’ll have to get it himself sometimes.

So. My kid went commando at school yesterday.

It reminds me of an early episode in my life when one Sunday I got ready by myself, and while I was sitting in church, with everything quite and still, I leaned over to my mother and whispered loudly, “I’m not wearing any panties!” I don’t know WHY I wasn’t wearing underwear, but I remember the shocked look my mother gave me as I informed her. In the still, quiet church.

So I was looking over some of my stats and a lot of the visitors/origins of visitors I kind of recognized. But there were some that I thought, “hmmm.. who could that be?”

Do people I don’t know read this regularly? I realize there’s the occasional hit from a google search that people click on, read a sentence or two, and then leave me forever,* but it makes me wonder how many people really are reading this, other than the… dozen maybe? folks that I’ve actually given the address to. I missed delurking week last month, so maybe I can just claim this post as the Delurking Post and if you’d like to delurk and say hi, that’d be supremely cool.

* Searches apparently people have found me from:

mokes
pictures of mokes
decorative dishwashing gloves
crazy froo
grown up haircuts (oh how I can relate)

Anyway, this is a short post. Life is good. Life is busy. We’re going to see the baby panda Tai Shan on Saturday. I’ll make sure we all have underwear on.

– amy