the dinner table.

Jocelyn has been bouncing in her chair for the last five minutes.

This is a sign that she needs to pee.

“Jocelyn? Do you need to pee?”

“I DON’T NEED TO PEE!”

….

10 minutes later.

Jocelyn has been sitting on the potty for the last five minutes, singing to herself and kicking the stool over and over.

“Jocelyn, finish up!”

“I AM!!!!!!!”

….

5 minutes later.

Jocelyn is still sitting on the potty.

Jocelyn is still kicking the stool.

“Jocelyn, finish up.”

“ALL RIGHT!!!!”

…

5 minutes later.

Jocelyn is standing up, pants around her ankles, and has been distracted from getting a wad of toilet paper by who the fuck knows.

“Jocelyn! Wipe, pull up your pants, flush, and wash your hands already!”

Big exhale of breath. “I AM! I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!”

james: It’s like she’s a grown woman.

me: *laugh* why’s that?

james utters not a word.

me: because she takes forever in the bathroom?

not a word from james.

me: she can’t pull up her pants? she can’t flush??

nothing from james.

me: WHAT?? Why is she like a grown woman??

Finally:

james: She doesn’t listen.