Every night, when I put the kids to bed, I always tell them to have good dreams. And then whenever I get them up, I ask them if they had good dreams, and what they were.* This morning I sat on Ethan’s bed and rubbed his back as he was waking up, and told him good morning. Usually this takes a few minutes for him to “wake up,” but this morning, nearly as soon as his eyes were open, he sat up and climbed into my lap for a great big morning hug. I asked him if he had good dreams, and he nodded, and then I asked him what he dreamed of. I think that sometimes he doesn’t remember or doesn’t dream, and has a standard answer of “trains!” or “dump trucks!” but sometimes I can really tell that he is remembering his dream and he tells me about it. It’s never as detailed as I would like, as I think the dreams of little kids are just fascinating.

This morning, he grinned up at me and said, “I dreamed about YOU!”

“REALLY! What did I do in your dream?”
“We went up in an AIRPLANE!”
“That sounds like it was a LOT of fun!”
“It was! It was great!”
“Let’s be sure to meet in your dreams again.”

It was pretty sweet.

*This makes it sound like I do all the putting to bed and waking up in the house. This is not the case. I just mean, whomever i’m putting to bed, and whenever i get someone up, this is what I say/ask.

This morning we were driving away from our house, and up ahead there was a school bus stopped, and the kids were all climbing on board. The car in front of us stopped, and a little girl and her mommy got out. Her mommy put some aquaphor on her lips, and then the girl hustled down to the bus, which was waiting for her, and she climbed on board.

My kids watched this in fascination. I excitedly pointed out the school bus to them, and then they were full of observations.

“LOOK at the BIG kids!”
“I’m going to be a big kid too, and get on a school bus!”
“I’m not a big kid. I’m an OLD KID.” (jocelyn)
“LOOOOOK! LOOOOOOK! SHE HAS AQUAPHOR TOOOOO!”
“Are they kindergarteners, mommy?”
“Yes, there are some kindergarteners there.”
“I’m going to be a kindergartener too, and ride the bus!”
“Yes, next year you’ll be a kindergartener, but I think you’ll still be at OurSchool, so we’ll drive you. But when you’re a first grader, THEN you’ll ride the bus.”

He didn’t answer to this, but was mulling it over.

Kindergarten decisions await us. Their preschool has a private full day kindergarten, and with 8 kids to 1 teacher vs. 25 kids to 1 teacher, I think you’ll agree that that isn’t a hard decision to make (keeping him at his current school vs. putting him in the overcrowded public school). Even if they fix the overcrowding (which I’ve heard they will) it is still not a ratio anywhere near as good as what OurSchool has. So even though the lure of saving money is strong, we’ll probably be doing the private school thing for him for kindergarten.

But the THOUGHT of putting him in the public school and how does that work? and what about before/after school care? and who runs it? when? how much? will he like it? is just poking at me all the time, and while I am happy with our situation right now, with both of us working, and both kids at the same school, in a few years, it will all change and it scares me a bit. It will definitely be tough to have Jocelyn at the private school, and ethan in the public school, just in terms of picking up / dropping off, but I wouldn’t want to gyp her out of a good start in her education by not putting her in the private kindergarten that her brother will have gone to, and I heard some talk at my Bunco night about the extended day care and how some of the mums weren’t too happy with it..

But what it really boils down to.. I would like to be home when my kids come home from school. It is how I grew up, and I just don’t like to picture anything other than that for my kids. It’s kind of weird. I mean, weird that I am totally fine with how things are now, but I don’t like going on this way in the future. You’d think that if I’m fine with it now, I should be fine with it then, but I’m not, I’m very squidgy about it then.

I don’t know what will happen, but I guess we’ve got a few years to figure it out yet. I know what I DON’T want, and that is sending my kids off to college and then feeling like my life is over and there’s nothing left to live for. I know that this doesn’t happen to all SAHMs, but I do know some that it HAS happened to, and heaven knows it can probably happen to working moms too.. I have made some big steps to try to keep my OWN life going along with my family life, and so I think the foundation is there.

Anyway. A lot of rambling. Again. We’ve got a few years to figure it out.

-amy gave you a two for one tuesday