Yesterday I picked up the kids from school and then headed to Costco to pick up this thing.

The kids did wonderfully, but I am always a little harried by the end of this sort of expedition. It wasn’t even a typical Costco trip with a full cart, I just got the hard drive, some photo albums and frames and some kid clothes (I can never resist the clothes). I’m also still wearing work clothes which just makes me feel weird. There’s nothing like wearing dressy clothes and high heels and wrangling kids in a store to make you feel bossy, domineering and like everyone is staring at you.

I had promised them “ice cream” which I usually let them have at Costco, because it’s actually frozen yogurt, which Jocelyn can have without turning her into a full time snot machine. I always feel bad about the lack of ice cream in Jocelyn’s life, so when frozen yogurt presents itself, I usually get them some.

However, I was going to make them eat something nutritious first (like hot dogs are SO nutritious) and THEN let them have ice cream.

But I forgot to get cash back at the register, and when standing in the food line, I realized that I only had 1 dollar bill in my wallet, and some change. So goodbye mother of the year, I was going to ruin my kids’ dinner by feeding them only ice cream.

So, I am giving the lady at the food counter my very specific instructions on the ice cream, which is ONLY THIS MUCH (holds up my fingers no more than 1 inch apart). My kids are LITTLE. Those cups are HUGE. They do NOT need 1 and a half CUPS of ice cream! A quarter cup will do nicely, thank you! So she looks at me and tries to comprehend what I want, and then says something that I didn’t quite hear becuase I’m trying to get Ethan to stop fiddling with those line-former-stand thingees and assure Jocelyn that yes, the ice cream is coming soon, and please don’t throw my new faux-500 gig hard drive out of the cart.

So I turn back and it turns out that she said, “I’ll charge you for one and give you an extra cup.”

She gave me a FULL cup and an empty extra cup. Hello? Don’t you SEE the two kids I’m trying to wrassle here? Now I have to move over, try to dish some into the extra cup, which still left WAY WAY WAY too much in the original cup, and no place to dump it out into. Gee thanks, lady. Next time, just charge me for 2 cups and do one swirl in the bottom of each one. PLEASE. I’ll PAY the extra dollar for crying out loud!

So now we’re outside, I’m pushing the cart, Ethan is hanging on one side, which means I have to push down on the opposite side so as not to let the whole thing tip over (remember, practically empty and therefore light cart), and Jocelyn is lagging behind singing away one of her nonsense songs. I feel as if my head might explode when I step in a pothole and twist my ankle, and my phone begins to ring, and a car turns a corner and stops to wait for me and my little train, therefore causing the ‘HURRY! HURRY!’ buzzer to go off in my brain.

I manage to answer the phone (“WHY did you give them ice cream before dinner?” “i really don’t want to go into it right now i’ll call you back bye”) and get everyone to the car. Ethan has finished his ice cream at this point, but Jocelyn hasn’t started on her (too full) cup. So I take some out of her cup and put it in the other cup, and leave it in the cart, where she promptly starts to cry and accuse me, “THAT WAS MY ICE CREAM! THAT WAS NOT NICE!” Then the usual shenanigans start in the car where I have to repeat myself about 50 times, (‘get in the car, climb in your seat, don’t climb in front, climb in your seat, buckle in, climb in your seat’ all said many many MANY times over). I had this little moment where I lost it, and then tried to get it back all at once. I didn’t yell and holler (OH so proud of me!), but I took a moment, drew in a deep breath, and said as calmly as I could, “Guys, I have lost all my patience. I don’t want to tell you again. Get. In. Your. Seats.”

And all of a sudden, they were as helpful as could be. As they were climbing into their seats (!!!) they poured out all sorts of suggestions:

e: “Where did you lose it?”
j: “I’ll help you find your patience!”
e: “I’ll find it and give it back to you!”
j: “I found it! I found your patience mommy!”
e: “You didn’t need any patience anyway mommy!”
j: “You can have MY patience mommy!”

It was a very nice drive home 🙂 Little did I know I’d lose my patience again later that evening when I would realize I didn’t buy 500 GIGS as the box LEAD ME TO BELEIVE. But in that moment, those sweet little helpful words just warmed me from the top of my head, right down to my stinking weak throbbing twisted ankle 🙂

-amy