yesterday the new indigo girls album came out.

I attempted to pick it up yesterday, along with the new boots and the diapers and the new firetruck shoes and the wipes that needed to be obtained at target, but we were running very late and target’s music selection isn’t really all that great.

ig = negative.
sore feet = affirmative
kids to bed late = affirmative

so today i met some friends for lunch, afterwhich i tried to find the album at borders and then best buy. borders had 10 copies, but it took 2 sales associates to track them down. They didn’t have the collector’s edition (with alternate tracks on disc 2) which I wanted. best buy didn’t have anything.

ig = negative
being helped profusively = affirmative

so then i popped in the car and thought, why not, i’m already over here, and drove over to tower records. after a quick check of the new releases display and the IG slot, i got someone to look it up for me where i learned that Tower Records is actually in bankruptcy and all their deliveries have been disrupted and so sorry, they don’t have it.

ig = negative
being helped profusively = more affirmative (people are so nice, really!)

so on my way back to my car, there was a tj maxx, which my mom is always going on about, and i have stepped into maybe one time in my life. She was talking about these very expensive Le Cruset pots that I’ve always secretly coveted and how they were exceedingly cheap at the Maxx, so I decided, what the hell, I’d go poke my nose in. A wended my way through the children’s section (nice costumes) (wow, they sell toys?) to the back where they had exactly one Le Cruset kettle, and then was making my way back to the exit in front when I was diverted to the shoes. I went over and checked it out.

Up until this time, I did not so much as pick up anything. Just looked, and fairly briefly at that. However, when I got to the shoes, I actually stopped, looked, and started to pick out some shoes and try them on. It was only after I had to drop the 3 pairs of boots/shoes to try to zip up a 4th, that I looked down at the floor at all the shit I’d dropped and realized that my wallet was NOT AMONG THEM.

ig = negative, but i wasn’t even really trying to find it there
losing my wallet = sadly, AFFIRMATIVE

i suck. i suck i suck i suck. maybe YOU never lose your wallet, or keys, or very important items, but I do, with a startling frequency. I am surprised I haven’t had a heart attack yet, because this feeling really sucks. I can feel my heart beating rapidly, that panicked feeling in my gut, and then it all increases about 10 fold when I contemplate when/how I’ll have to tell james. “hi. i suck. i suck i suck i suck i suck.”

i really suck.

I went back over every inch of the 2 places I’d stood while looking at shoes. I retraced my steps over the whole store. I went back to Tower Records and inquired there. I retraced my steps, including going back to the bathroom and making sure I hadn’t left it on the sink (which I’ve done before). But in actuality, I KNEW that I had it when I walked into TJ Maxx, and since I had picked up NOTHING until I got to the shoes, IT HAD TO BE THERE.

But it wasn’t. I inquired with about 4 of the sales associates (because just because one hasn’t heard anything about a lost wallet, doesn’t mean a different one hasn’t). They have my name and number in case it turns up.

After searching with the cold knot of dread in my stomach, I finally left with the dim hope that maybe I hadn’t carried it in afterall, maybe it was still back in my car nestled safely in my purse.

It wasn’t.

I’ve called and put a hold on my credit cards just to be sure. I have a lot of experience in ‘lost wallets’. With all my ‘lost wallet’ experience, I have never permanently lost my wallet.

This time I have a bad feeling like maybe it is going to stay lost.

And that will suck.

Now I can’t even order the damn IG album (collector’s edition!) online.

ig = negative
me wanting to shove a chopstick in my ear to stop myself from further acts of idiocy = affirmative

Cross your fingers and toes for me.