My new Indigo Girls album has arrived, Despite Our Differences.

I’m so happy! I don’t know why. I didn’t really get all excited about the last…. 4 or 5 releases. Not since Shaming of the Sun. I was living in Atlanta at the time and there was quite a lot of publicity on that release. I stood in line at Tower or some such and got it signed by the girls. It was fun.

I have all the other albums of course. But one of them I found while thumbing through the IG section at a store and not recognizing the album cover. Some fan *I* am! Not even knowing that there had been a release! So really, I am not sure why I’m excited about this one, but I am. I blame Linda, who’s hyped it all up for me (and by “hyped” I mean, “mentioned more than once”).

It’s nice to be back in that place though, that place where listening to the girls make me feel warm and fuzzy.

It got me thinking about music and stuff. Isn’t it funny how there are some albums that you know by heart, and love more than anything, but it doesn’t necessarily fit into your musical tastes. For example, I own and love The Best of the Doobie Brothers. Love love love it. Dance with me momma all night long! I think this is because my older sister had it when I was a girl and it’s just something I grew up with. I don’t think that I would love it as much as I do, if I had never heard it until later. I am sure I wouldn’t, it definitely isn’t in my typical musical taste. Cat Stevens is in this category, as well as a few America songs – I have one album of theirs just for “Horse with no name” (which by the way, makes great kid listening music).

I am not a huge audiophile. I am in awe of folks who are. I had a friend, whom we’ll just call ‘shoeshine boy’ who I was able to just describe a song I heard on the radio once A FEW YEARS BEFORE and loved, not remembering ANY of the words, just the way they made me feel, who after 5 minutes of hearing me ramble, said, “Ben Harper” and sure enough it was Ben Harper’s “Faded” from The Will to Live album. I basically listen to the radio (alternative/modern rock) and am fairly undiscriminating. As long as they can sing and aren’t too heavy, I will generally like it. My husband James is into the heavier stuff, and it’s a good thing the guy in Metallica can actually SING, because his favorite had been one of those screecher hair bands that can’t sing, just screech, we probably wouldn’t be married.
And that’s another thing. I don’t know about anyone else.. but I need some time to connect with a new album to really love it. I spent time with, totally bonded and connected with that Ben Harper album. I own all his other albums as well (except the latest one) but haven’t really spent the time to get to know them as well, and therefore don’t adore them as I do The Will to Live. Another example is the Wonder Stuff (which is probably the only time I’ll list a band and you’ll go, “huh? who’s that?” because i’m not very non-mainstream, honestly, i’m not) whose “Never Loved Elvis” album is in my top 10. And yet, I don’t really care for any of the others. I just haven’t gotten into them.

While waiting for my album to arrive from Amazon, Linda pointed out how some folks will say I am not missing much. I asked Linda what SHE thought of it, and the way she put it was perfect. “I have loved them for 17 years. It’s like a marriage now. I will always love them, even if I have to work at it.” (Sorry if I messed that up Linda.)

She’s right. It’s time I reconnect with the girls instead of just remembering “the good old times” (rites of passage, swamp ophelia, 1200 curfews).I skipped around until I found the song that made me cry when I saw them in concert, which was “Lay Me Down”. I turned it up as far as I could, and it made me cry again. here’s part of it:

Why can’t I let go of the feeling
That I’m lost somehow
Just a ghost looking in
Out of my own life just visiting
In search of a body to have and to hold and to keep and to sleep
I wanna lay my head down on you
Because you’re the only solid thing in this room
A room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache

To me, this song is about losing that connection. Losing the connection to others around you. Feeling like a stranger in a room of friendly acquaintances. Looking around the room at Bunko and wondering if you really are this person, sitting in this room. Wondering if you can just be Amy, and not the wallet-loser, Not the wife. Not the mother. Not the Web Designer/Editor. Not the bill-payer. Not the appointment-maker. And who exactly is amy? She doesn’t feel like this person, this life. Wondering how you got to be in this place in your life. Do these labels fit me? Mother, wife, responsible adult. I feel like a ghost looking in on this life. I need to connect, I need to anchor, I need to lay my head down on you, because if I don’t I may drift away because I don’t know how to fit into this life, this world, this house, this perception that people have of me.. I need to connect or you will just be another mishmash of songs that are vaguely familiar, by voices that I loved once, or still do, but in another form, another album.

And so, I settle in to connect with this album. I pore over the words as they flood over me. I will make the effort to connect, just as you have to in a marriage.

And it’s like falling in love all over again.