I bet you’ve thought at one time or other, probably while watching someone’s sweet, young impressionable kid, how funny it would be to raise them always beleiving that “yellow” is called “blue” and vice versa, or some derivitive thereof. I know you have. We all have. It goes back to that inate desire to prey about the naive. My best friend in high school Emily babysat her neighbors’ kids once, and they were SO young and impressionable, she actually convinced that that when they grew up, they were going to be cows, and they had better start practicing how to graze and moo. Imagine being that mother pulling up, seeing your children milling around the front lawn eating grass and mooing.

This talent must have run in the family, because my other best friend Melanie, Emily’s younger sister, once convinced a somewhat naive sophmore girl that her (Melanie’s, not the girl’s) shoelaces had an electric current running through them. (The girl was … exceptionally gullible. I’ll refrain from using other terms.)

James recently was taking a psyllium pill (basically a fiber pill. check it out for your colon health!) when someone asked him what it does.

“Makes it so my shit doesn’t stink.” he blithely informed them. “REALLY?” they said, astonished. “No, dumbass, of course not.” he replied.

Everyone loves to con the gullible, and who isn’t more gullible than a young child. A sweet little child, like a blank chalkboard… just waiting for someone to come along and scribble all over it.

I’m all for conning the gullible, but programming of an innocent toddler with the “black is really white!” crap is just silly. Whenever anyone has said anything like that to me, I always thought to myself, “Yeah, that’s the stupidest idea EVER, dumbass. And SOOOO original.” Plus, you get a bit more defensive when it’s YOUR CHILD’S blank innocent slate that someone is wanting to scribble all over.

However, I have recently been trying to “program” my child.

That’s right.

I’m attempting to brainwash Ethan.

We recently went and saw the movie “Cars”. It was fantastic. Ways to make it even MORE fantastic? Take your 4 year old son who loves race cars. Watch him sit on the edge of his seat totally enraptured, sighing “Awesome!” in reverent tones every now and then, as the cars zip around the race course with the occasional smashup occurs (those are the parts he likes the best).

After we left the movie, I started project brainwash. I don’t know why it occurred to me. It just happened! Really! Everytime I heard him say “Awesome!” for something, I would agree. “Yeah, Awesome! TOTALLY RAD, DUDE!”

Because screw that “he thinks black is white and white is black, hee hee hee!” crap — i’m going for the GOLD baby. I want that 80s phrase to catch on AGAIN by more than just Wil Wheaton! Let’s shoot for the entire next generation*! A whole new crop of kids saying, “TOTALLY RAD MAN!”

HOW TOTALLY RAD WOULD THAT BE!!

Every time Ethan exclaims that something is cool or awesome, I agree with, “Yeah, TOTALLY RAD!” It’s only a matter of time before he starts to say it too, right?

I’ll let you know how it goes.

– amy walks like an egyptian.

ps: I’d like to thank miniAnn for messaging me on Friday with a breathless, “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND YOUR KEYS! I HAVE TO KNOW NOW EVEN THOUGH I’M STILL READING AND WILL FIND OUT IF I JUST SKIP TO THE END, TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME**” – for totally, completely making my day 🙂 You too Krys!

* this unfortunate, but necessary use of the words “next generation” in the same sentence as “Wil Wheaton” was sadly, unavoidable. I humbly apologize and promise never to do it again.

** retelling of message may have been exagerated for dramatic effect. yeah. like you don’t do it on YOUR blog.