UPDATE: I’ve started an actual page that I keep updated so check it out!

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I love listening to the Dawn and Drew Show. James turned me on to it, and it was the first podshow I ever listened to. Once I decided that it rocked, I went to their website and started listening from SHOW #1. (Yes. That’s a lot of shows.) They have a comment line for leaving audio comments, and then they play some at the end of every show, and *cough* I usually call them.. a lot. What can I say. I AM A PARTICIPATER. I like to PARTICIPATE.

So I’ve decided to keep track of the comments I’ve made.

show #382: 31:20
I comment on the Roncat intro played in show 373 and the little bit at the end that Drew edited out.
show #378: 24:41 AND 27:48
I called in and rambled on about something, but I don’t even remember what it was. What I do remember, is being freaked out that there was a new message on their comment line, and I said something about that, including, “to hear this kooky new message, call…” Drew clipped that part out, and I was the audio comments intro! Then later, they play my little tidbit of knowledge about how a child is legitimate vs. illegitimate. I have to say, I pretty much sound like a big dork.

show #374: 5:30ish
I’m not on the show, but I’m pretty sure they are talking about me. I called in and told Dawn that I was worried about her and Katie and their relationship, and Dawn says it was a sweet message that folks are worried about her and Katie. Of course, it could be some other stalker-fan and but I just really think she was refering to me. I rambled on a good bit, and I really WAS worried!

show #354: 26:24 – 07.07.2006
I talk about the movie “CARS” and how much Ethan loved it and then tell them about my brainwashing project.

show #353: 25:23 – 07.07.2006
I pretend like the comment line is an answering maching (“PICK UP!”) and chew Drew out for not playing the background music that is usually playing during the audio comments.

show #335: 24:48 – 06.08.2006
I give a suggestion to the lesbian who’s girlfriend loves anal.

show #333: 26: 26:20 – 06.07.2006
I tell them my dirty secret about the comment line.

show #330: 15:36 – 05.31.2006
I tell Dawn and Drew how according to them, I really call my children ‘bitch’ – This wasn’t played in the audio comments, but played in the middle of the show

show #324: 24:20 – 05.24.2006
I sing an audio comment intro. It’s pretty dumb, but I LOVE IT!

There are more, I need to track them down though so I can make a note of them, so I’ll update this as time goes on and have some time to listen to old shows.

ones i know of and need to figure out what show they were on:

audio comment intro: “once there was a girl on a bus…”

audio advice question for “Ask Dawn” – I asked what I should use for Jocelyn’s girly bits in potty training. There was a lot of followup for many shows afterward.

audio comment: I tell Dawn that she bugs me every time she incorrectly uses the term “Literally…” (SHUDDER – i just HATE that. The word is not to be used for mere EMPHASIS PEOPLE!) (Dawn and Drew have gotten much better *grin*)
Embarassingly, there are more. I have an addiction. It’s name… IS DAWN AND DREW.

I’ve been slaving away all weekend installing this OH SO TRICKY new theme.

OK, I’m lying. I installed it, tweaked a few things, and have been spending the rest of the time OOOHH-ing and AHHHH-ing over how neato burrito it is and then downloading more plugins and mods and hacks and do-dings and installing THOSE.

So, if you like it, please tell me. If you don’t, then go jump off a cliff, and if you find something broken, then please let me know.

That is all.

conversation between james and i last night:

me: staring at all this code makes me realize how very very little i know. css, i can waffle around in but code? i am lost.
james: wordpress is in php, right?
me: yup.
james: (silence)
me: (looks over at james)
james: I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT PHP.

he’s a big liar-head.

-amy goes back to oohhing and ahhing.

I bet you’ve thought at one time or other, probably while watching someone’s sweet, young impressionable kid, how funny it would be to raise them always beleiving that “yellow” is called “blue” and vice versa, or some derivitive thereof. I know you have. We all have. It goes back to that inate desire to prey about the naive. My best friend in high school Emily babysat her neighbors’ kids once, and they were SO young and impressionable, she actually convinced that that when they grew up, they were going to be cows, and they had better start practicing how to graze and moo. Imagine being that mother pulling up, seeing your children milling around the front lawn eating grass and mooing.

This talent must have run in the family, because my other best friend Melanie, Emily’s younger sister, once convinced a somewhat naive sophmore girl that her (Melanie’s, not the girl’s) shoelaces had an electric current running through them. (The girl was … exceptionally gullible. I’ll refrain from using other terms.)

James recently was taking a psyllium pill (basically a fiber pill. check it out for your colon health!) when someone asked him what it does.

“Makes it so my shit doesn’t stink.” he blithely informed them. “REALLY?” they said, astonished. “No, dumbass, of course not.” he replied.

Everyone loves to con the gullible, and who isn’t more gullible than a young child. A sweet little child, like a blank chalkboard… just waiting for someone to come along and scribble all over it.

I’m all for conning the gullible, but programming of an innocent toddler with the “black is really white!” crap is just silly. Whenever anyone has said anything like that to me, I always thought to myself, “Yeah, that’s the stupidest idea EVER, dumbass. And SOOOO original.” Plus, you get a bit more defensive when it’s YOUR CHILD’S blank innocent slate that someone is wanting to scribble all over.

However, I have recently been trying to “program” my child.

That’s right.

I’m attempting to brainwash Ethan.

We recently went and saw the movie “Cars”. It was fantastic. Ways to make it even MORE fantastic? Take your 4 year old son who loves race cars. Watch him sit on the edge of his seat totally enraptured, sighing “Awesome!” in reverent tones every now and then, as the cars zip around the race course with the occasional smashup occurs (those are the parts he likes the best).

After we left the movie, I started project brainwash. I don’t know why it occurred to me. It just happened! Really! Everytime I heard him say “Awesome!” for something, I would agree. “Yeah, Awesome! TOTALLY RAD, DUDE!”

Because screw that “he thinks black is white and white is black, hee hee hee!” crap — i’m going for the GOLD baby. I want that 80s phrase to catch on AGAIN by more than just Wil Wheaton! Let’s shoot for the entire next generation*! A whole new crop of kids saying, “TOTALLY RAD MAN!”

HOW TOTALLY RAD WOULD THAT BE!!

Every time Ethan exclaims that something is cool or awesome, I agree with, “Yeah, TOTALLY RAD!” It’s only a matter of time before he starts to say it too, right?

I’ll let you know how it goes.

– amy walks like an egyptian.

ps: I’d like to thank miniAnn for messaging me on Friday with a breathless, “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND YOUR KEYS! I HAVE TO KNOW NOW EVEN THOUGH I’M STILL READING AND WILL FIND OUT IF I JUST SKIP TO THE END, TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME**” – for totally, completely making my day 🙂 You too Krys!

* this unfortunate, but necessary use of the words “next generation” in the same sentence as “Wil Wheaton” was sadly, unavoidable. I humbly apologize and promise never to do it again.

** retelling of message may have been exagerated for dramatic effect. yeah. like you don’t do it on YOUR blog.

I think my brain is broken.

OR.. (and I like this one better, so I’ll use IT INSTEAD) my purse contains a magical portal into NARNIA or MAYBE the BERMUDA TRIANGLE!

Tuesday, we took Jocelyn to the urgent care doctor (oh yeah, she was sick Monday) to check her out for any infections. I remember SPECIFICALLY taking my keys and putting them in my pocket, even though I didn’t really need them because we were all going and James was driving. I took them anyway. Later, I remember slipping them into the outside pocket of my purse, which is where I always put them if they’re not on the hook by the garage door, or in my pocket.

Later, they were NOT in the outside pocket of my purse. They were not in my purse at all. They were not ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND. And did I find this out at an opportune moment? A moment where I could have snagged James’ copy of my car key off of his keys? Of course not.

No, I discovered this at the worst possible moment. Wednesday morning, which is also known as splash day, (or in our house, it’s known as, “SPLASH DAY IT’S SPLASH DAY YAY TODAY IS SPLASH DAY!”) because the kids wear their swimming suits to school for, you guessed it, splashing and water fun.

It wasn’t just any splash day. It was also the day that James went to the hospital for a simple procedure. Simple, because it’s in and out, wham bam, he’s done, and he even stays semi conscious for it (conscious enough to follow orders, not conscious enough to remember it afterward) but not so simple that he can drive home or work that day.

So it is up to me to be at the hospital to drive him home. It is also up to me to drive the kids to school (SPLASH DAY IT’S SPLASH DAY!), because James has to be at the hospital earlier than is possible to get the kids ready to go. So James has left (WITH HIS SET OF KEYS AND THE ONLY SPARE TO MY TRUCK) and I have finally managed to get swimming suits on, swimming shoes on, spare clothes packed into bags, don’t forget the shoes and socks, oh yes, they will need towels, and what’s that? what’s that you say? breakfast? you mean I have to FEED THESE CHILDREN? oh, and drinks – let’s not let them dehydrate, I REMEMBERED EVERYTHING, PEOPLE. So I finally had it together and was ready to haul all the crap out to the car, when I remembered.

Oh shit. I don’t know where my keys are.

I thought they must be in a pocket somewhere. Whenever my keys go missing, they turn up in a pocket of something I wore previously. So I ran upstairs, heart pounding, trying not to think about what happens if I can’t find them, searching for ANYTHING I wore in the past 2 days, checking the pockets. I looked on the bed, on the ironing board that is set up in a semi-permanent state near our closet, I looked in the bathroom, I looked in the kids bathroom, I even checked the dryer in case that banging I heard wasn’t actually the rocks Ethan likes to put in his pockets and were in actuality, my keys – nope, they were rocks. Note to self: talk to Ethan about putting rocks in his pocket. Second note to self: check pockets before tossing Ethan’s clothes in the wash. Note to self: FOCUS YOU’VE GOT TO FIND YOUR FUCKING KEYS!

I went out to my truck to check out there. I looked on the floor, the middle compartment, I checked under the seats, I looked everywhere, in case they had fallen out of my purse somehow.

Finally it was full on panic. I went back inside. I got the phone. I stared at it, trying to figure out WHO I was going to call. I am not on super good terms with my neighbors with kids. Sure, good enough to borrow a cup of sugar, but “Hi, I’ve lost my keys and I need to borrow your car so I can take my kids to school and pick up my sedated husband from the hospital” — what kind of terms did you have to be on for THAT phone call? I WOULD GUESS PRETTY GOOD TERMS. Honestly, it’s sad, as I realized that all the folks that I was on THAT good of terms with live too far away for that sort of phone call.

So now I am panicked AND feeling like a friendless loser. I’m going to go have a heart attack AND EAT WORMS.
As a last resort, I took my purse and determined to dump it out and really make sure they weren’t in there. Perhaps Tumnus the Faun had grown bored with them by then and had tossed them back through the “Pocket Portal to and from Narnia” because after I turned the purse upside down and shook REALLY hard, out they came.

I have never been so happy in my life. I didn’t have to be better friends with my neighbors! I could continue to be a friendless loser! I HAD FOUND MY CAR KEYS!

But my malicious purse had not done it’s last deed.

Later that night, after the kids were in bed, I wanted to update my iPod with some tv shows, so I went to get it from the car. My ipod is always either in the car, or in my purse. I checked my purse and didn’t find it, so then I proceeded to rip my car about in the search. My heart was beating fast, my palms were getting all cold and sweaty, I was going to have to go inside and tell James I had lost or had stolen, my $400 ipod and he was going to chew me out something proper – I have a bit of a reputation for losing my wallet. I usually REALLY lose it (read: Leave it someplace very inconvenient, like the bathroom of Costco, and can’t find it for over 12 hours) about once a year, and of course then I casually lose it (read: leave it somewhere in the car, house or office and can’t find it for a few hours) so often that my wallet losing abilities have staggered scientists and theologians alike. James is always pretty pissed off when I do my i’ve-lost-my-wallet bit, so I knew the feedback from the i’ve-lost-my-ipod bit would NOT be pretty. Seriously, my stomach was churning when I came back inside, determined to SEARCH my purse thoroughly because dammit the damn thing has to be SOMEWHERE and it SHOULD be in my purse.

And sure enough. The stranded pilot trapped in the Bermuda Triangle must have listened to it until the battery ran out and tossed it back through the MAGICAL PORTAL OF THE PURSE OF AMY’S DEMISE VIA HEART ATTACK, since it reappeared in my purse on my second, very careful search of the Purse Of Destiny.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! Or as my dad would say, “Scrud.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go buy a new purse and make a copy of my car keys so that I can just sit in my house listening to my iPod and not have to talk to anyone in my neighborhood ever again.

We headed into Manassas around 6pm on the 4th of July to see what sort of shindig they were throwing. The fireworks didn’t start until 9pm, and by then we planned to be back home with the little ones in bed. They’re too young for fireworks anyway, the noise would likely scare them too much.

So we just went into town to see what was up. It was at the pavilion with the train caboose, which is always a hit with the kids even with nothing else, so we knew they’d have fun. We were still at home, getting ready to go when a thunderstorm hit, but we decided to go anyway, counting on the storm passing quickly. It gave the kids an excuse to wear their rain boots and carry their umbrellas, something which I beleive they dream about secretly and never actually get to do, so they were tickled pink, Jocelyn especially. Ethan was too, but he contains it better now, where Jocelyn shouts her glee to all the world.

We arrived, and started heading to the moon bounce, Ethan with me, and Jocelyn with James. We went through a parking lot full of booths and trailers selling various food items and hawking random goods and Ethan and I were a ways ahead of James and Jocelyn. I looked back to find them and saw the pair of them standing facing a trailer selling hotdogs and lemonade. EVERY person inside was sticking their head out the window looking and talking to Jocelyn. Her umbrella is yellow and black (it goes with her bumblebee camp chair) and her rain boots are pink and blue with little eyes and antennae sticking up on the toes, and she takes great glee in finding a puddle and then jumping right smack in the middle of it. All the hot dog folks were oohing and awwwwing about how darling she was with her cute umbrella and rain boots. She took in in stride as her due (I’m so PRETTY!) and probably made that shy-and-oh-so-cute face back at them. This seemed to be the theme of the event everywhere we went. Jocelyn and Ethan getting all the “AWWWWWW, how CUTE!” comments wherever they went in their rain boots and umbrellas. Ethan’s boots are blue and white striped, and his umbrella is red with black polka dots on it, with eyes and antennae for a lady bug (it goes with his lady bug camp chair).

They had fun in the moon bounce until it got too crowded and scary, then we went and took a ride on a trailer pulled behind a tractor, which Ethan declared many times, “AWESOME!” saw a fire engine and a load of policemen and women (some on MOTORCYCLES), but Ethan never wanted to go talk to any of them. Ethan and James watched the rock climbing on a big climbing wall that was erected.

Mostly folks were staking out their “spot” with blankets, coolers, camp chairs to watch the fireworks that would be displayed later that night, but we had fun and then left for home where the kids passed out immediately on going to bed.

I wish we’d brought our camera.

Featuring Ethan’s knee!

!

At naptime on Sunday, I heard very loud noises emanating from Ethan’s room.

Later, after he had been downstairs for awhile, I asked him what he was doing that was making such a racket.

“I don’t know!” He said gaily. This is his goto statement for everything.

“Instead of saying, ‘I don’t know,’ why don’t you stop and think it over, try to remember what I’m asking you, and THEN tell me.”

“Ok,” he said, “I’m going to think about it up to 10.”

“You’re going to think about it up to 10?”

“Yeah.”

I wait. I watch him. He’s squirming around in his seat, playing with the toy in his hands. A minute goes by.

“Are you ready to tell me?”

“NO! I’M NOT UP TO TEN YET!”

“Oh, ok.”

We sit there, one of us squirmy, the other of us, sitting amused and patient.

“Have you remembered up to 10 yet?”

“YES! I GOT UP TO 10!”

“So what were you doing that made so much noise?”

“I was hitting the bottom of my train table.”

“Hitting it? Were you being a builder man?”

“No.”

“A worker man?”

“No, I was making the stuff on the table fall down.”

“What stuff?”

“Blocks.”

“Aha.. so.. you were building tall towers and buildings with your blocks, and then you were hitting the table so they’d tumble down?”

“YUP!”

My son, destruction-man.

I decided I wanted to make a quiche today.

I have a lot of herbs growing, and the only ones we actually use is the rosemary, on chicken and on roast potatoes. I should make some pesto, but I’ve actually never had pesto, so it never occurs to me.

Anyway, so I decided I wanted to make a quiche. I did a search on foodtv and came up with one from Paula Deen, the woman who uses a stick of butter in EVERYTHING. It HAD to be good. It was for bacon and spinach quiche, with swiss cheese.

So I knew I had a bag of spinach in the fridge, but it was bolting rapidly.. I sifted through it, picked out some good leaves and carefully washed and spun them dry in my spinner and chopped them up. then I decided they were too far gone, and I knew if I put spinach in it, there’s no way James would like it. So I ditched the spinach and picked some of my basil. Because hey! that was the whole point anyway!
It called for a pound of bacon. I never use bacon in cooking really. I keep a package in the freezer that I use whenever I make potato soup, but it just never comes out often. I was fortunate that the bacon in the freezer wasn’t freezer burned. So I pulled it out, cut some off the slab, and cooked it up.

I realized it wasn’t nearly enough.

So I pulled out the bacon again and cut up the remaining slab. that’s right. ALL OF IT.

Look at all that precious artery clogging GREASE! Gee, I wonder why I don’t eat this stuff very often?

I didn’t have any swiss cheese, so I just used cheddar.

It called for cream, but nope, haven’t got any of that, so I just used 2% milk. I figured there was enough extra fat from the bacon anyway.
I also didn’t have any pie crusts on hand, and sure as hell wasn’t going to make any.
So…. I’m making a Spinach, Bacon and Swiss Quiche.

Except there’s no crust, basil instead of spinach, and cheddar instead of swiss. Also, I like corn, so I put some corn in it too.

So really, it’s a Crustless No-Spinach, No-Swiss, Plenty-o-Bacon, Corn & BASIL Cheddar Quiche. YUM!

I also forgot to put the basil INTO the quiche. I slid it into the oven when my eyes lit on the chopped basil that WASN’T IN THE ACTUAL QUICHE ARGH, so I kind of stuck my hand full of basil into the hot oven and tried to fling it in there on top (where it will now probably burn, oh goody!) without losing a limb.

You know how those chefs on the food network are always sliding stuff into the trash as they prep and cook and saute and they finish with something and have a cloth to handily wipe it off their cutting boards and countertops, and by the time they’re done everything in the kitchen is sparkly-er and shinier than it was when they started?

Yeah, I’m not like that.

Recipe:
6 eggs
1 1/2 c. 2% milk
lots of pepper
1 lb of bacon
a handful of grated cheddar cheese (I didn’t measure, I just used the bit of cheese that was left.)
couple of handfuls of corn
chopped basil

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

I sprayed my tart dish with a Pam-like spray, and then put the bacon in the bottom.

(Holy shit that’s a lot of bacon.)

Then came the corn and the cheddar cheese.

then I poured the egg-milk mixture carefully over the top.

Put in the oven, but remembered the basil and tossed that in there on top.

10 min. update: Quiche is in the oven cooking now. It smells delicious. Anything with that much bacon should be good.

20 min. update: Basil isn’t burning. Yet. Smells yummilicious. I’m getting hungry.

Baked for about 45 minutes – until there was no jiggling. My oven tends to take 5 minutes longer than most recipes call for.

post-cooking: this quiche is so yummy. I was correct, in that lots of bacon = GOOOOOOD. Now I will probably go bacon-free for another 5 years. Basil didn’t burn, everything was soooo delicious. If I had one complaint, it would be that it was a touch on the salty side. I salted the eggs, which was probably unnecessary, since bacon has plenty of it. Still. Yum.

UPDATE: James even liked it. Or he knew what was good for him and made himself eat it. And lie to me with a straight face. He’s a smart man.