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Sorry, you’re probably going to have to turn the speakers up. The mic on my laptop leaves much to be desired.

Little kids have such good memories.

I have a sewing machine that sits on the floor in the kitchen until I need to use it. The last time I used it was to fix a new pair of jammy pants we got Jocelyn in the Girls section that were too big. I think it was about a month ago. I don’t do a lot of sewing, but the first time Ethan ripped a seam (probably at 8 months old) I knew that with kids in our lives, I was going to need a sewing machine. I got a $100 job at costco and called it good, and so far it’s served me just fine.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Ethan. So we got Ethan a pair of jammies in the Boys section that were too big for him, but are quickly becoming his favoritest pair ever because they feature characters from the movie “Cars”. The waist actually fit him OK (which is what I had to pull in on Jocelyn’s jammie pants) but they were about 4 inches too long in the pants.

So out came the machine and with it the inevitable search for my little baggie of thread (which I didn’t ever find). So while I was searching for the thread and Ethan was interrogating me on what I was going to do with his jammie pants, and demanding to know if I was going to use scissors, a seam ripper, a bobbin, etc, I offhandedly said, “Where are you thread!?” as I was searching through the Cupboard O’ Junk.

“Thhhhh-red.” He said, very slowly and carefully.

Because the last time I broke out the machine and hunted for thread, he was saying it, “Fwhed” with the “f” sound instead of with the “th” sound and a ‘w’ sound instead of the ‘r’ sound, and I casually lowered myself down to his level so he could see my mouth and tongue and lips carefully, and said, “Try it this way, Ethan, ‘thhhhhhh,'”

“Thhhhhhhh,” he copied me,

“–red.” I finished.

“–red.” he finished.

I grinned. “Perfect!” and went back to searching for thread.

He said it wrong more that day, but I didn’t mention it again. Just that one brief moment, not even 30 seconds. And here he was a month later.

“Thhhh-red.” He said it wrong a few times, but I’d say he got that ‘thhh’ sound right over half the time. The ‘r’ sound is especially tricky for him.

It reminds me of the octoform day.

Cute kid.

here’s the song I sing my kids every night for bedtime.

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(i just wanted to fiddle with odeo.)

co-worker 1: I told him to tell you to just do a half-assed job.

co-worker 2: Yes, but I told him I don’t know how to do a half-assed job.

co-worker 1: I can help you with that.

I love reading.

When I was younger, I was quite the voracious reader. I would carry a book around with me, read it while I was walking, read during classes when I was supposed to be paying attention, read late into the night.

I remember the first “grown up” book I read. Charlotte’s Web. I was so tickled that I had read a book with CHAPTERS. I think I was in the first grade. I used to read after I was supposed to be asleep. I would leave the hall light on, with my door open, and read by the light of the hallway. then after my mother caught on and would turn the light off, I would use a flashlight and read under my covers. (Gee. I wonder why my eyes are so nearsighted. Hmmmm.)

I still read pretty hungrily post-college, but I didn’t readily seek out new books. I’ve always had lots of “favorite” books that I read and re-read, over and over again. An old, beloved book is like an old friend that you sit down and catch up with after a few years. I’m especially partial to children’s and young adult literature – maybe it is because those are the books I first fell in love with. Some books on my shelves I have more than one copy. I’ll not be able to find the book I MUST read right then, go buy it, read it, and then find my original copy a month later (Where the Red Fern Grows). Some I will read until it falls apart, and buy a new copy but can’t bring myself to throw away the old one. Some I have bought at used book stores even though I already have it, because it has the older cover that I grew up with (The President’s Daughter). Some I buy to give away and then never get around to it, or end up with them back in my possession somehow (copies of LLoyd Alexander’s Book of Three books, signed “To Susan” by the author). (*cough* Um, Susan, if you want these…. uhhh.. I’ve got them. )
With kids now in my life, reading has become more difficult to do, and when I want to settle down with a book, I find myself reaching for an old broken down paperback more often than not, partly because I know if I don’t get back to it, it’s ok, because I have already read it (a million times).

I’ve been trying to do a bit better though, and have partially succeeded.

Some of my recent reads:

Better Off : Flipping the Switch on Technology, by Eric Brende
Very interesting book. I picked it up by chance at Borders, thinking that maybe it was the book that Loobylu had mentioned on her website, about the family trying to live self sufficiently for 6 months. THAT book is actually called, “Living the Good Life” and I still need to read it. Better Off, is about a couple who lives in an amish/menonite community with no electricty for 18 months. (Yes, I know those books are really very different, but the memory of the original book was blurry in my mind, ok?)

The book really struck me, the author’s main thesis is that society is better off (“Better Off” get it? huh? huh?) without modern technology. Some of my attempts at discussing the book met with blank stares and immediate defensiveness, “technology is WONDERFULWHEREWOULDWEBEWITHOUTIT!” but sometimes people kind of “got it” immediately and happy conversations then ensued about how we live in a society where it is almost like an endless cycle where you must work in order to afford the mortgage, and you have to own a car in order to get to the job, and you have to get a better job, further away in order to afford the car…. our own materialism drives us in this society into always spending the same as our income. Our income can shift up and down and yet our spending will always manage to match it.

This is not what the book is about, but my own frustrations lately about life and the way society kind of forces us to live (“forces us”? yeah, i’m stabbing myself in the foot with that one). I have been thinking about my childhood and how I spent my time growing up, and comparing it to my kids and how different it will be for them. Will it be better? How? And what specifically will MAKE it better? Will it be worse? What will be the aspects of their childhood that will be “worse” and why?

I always come back to the same sort of conclusions, and they revolve around nature, and time spent in play. I grew up with a creek in the woods in my backyard. The world was as big as I could pedal on my bike, and as magical as I could imagine up with my noggin. Don’t get me wrong, I watched plenty of TV as well, my favorite movies were Superman, Star Wars, and The Last Unicorn. I wanted to marry superman and have superbabies. Until of course I decided Luke Skywalker was the man for me and Leia could just push off. Then I wanted to be a unicorn turned into a girl and sing a song about “now that I’m a WOOOOMAAAAAAAAN.. EVERYTHING IS CHANGED….”

Ahem. I digress. I’m not saying I was raised in an ultra hippy no TV granola land, but nature was a big part of my playtime outdoors. I think about my kids’ well regulated days at their daycare. They arrive around 8am, I pick them up at 5pm.* We get home, we have some dinner, we play with toys, we play outside, they go to bed about 7.30pm. I know they’ll be out and about when they are older, but out and about to where? Our backyard is a postage stamp (which was a PRO, when we were considering our neighborhood, whereas now…..not so much) and the woods that were off the block behind us was torn down last year to make a Minnieland (daycare). I spend time wishing that we lived closer to our respective workplaces, so that we would have more time with our kids, and them just more time at home in general. I hate that they spend more waking hours at school than at home. Some technology definitely improves our quality of life, and I’m not saying I want to do away with that. I think that there should be a better balance between quality of life, materialism, and wants vs. needs.

Anyway, this turned into a lot more of a spiel than I really meant to say, but I could go on even more (and will do so at great length enthusiastically, if you bring it up).. There are a lot of aspects of our society that I don’t like. Even as I hypocritically participate in them, so yes, feel free to point many fingers at me while you throw some stones, because I probably deserve it.

* Don’t get me wrong, Ethan and Jocelyn’s school is wonderful, with the largest playground I have ever seen in a “daycare.” We have been so impressed with the school that we will probably keep the kids there for their private kindergarten and first grade (how can we not, with TEN KIDS per teacher!)

What was I talking about again? Oh yes. While I DON’T really wish to go live with the Amish, I thought it was a refreshing read, though a little one sided. I think it worked for him and his wife because of the ills they see in society, and they saw this time as an experiment, nothing that they wanted to do permanently.

I call it one-sided, because the whole thesis of the book is that technology not only does not equate happiness and quality of life, and even argues that more technology can equate to unhappiness and lower quality of life (see: cars/ mortgage/ job/ endless spiral). Obviously, not everyone wants to go out and farm the land with no electricity, so it is one sided in that if you took someone else and had them perform the same ‘experiment’ it would be very different, but it was an interesting look into life without technology, and I could not put it down, I was fascinated, both by the descriptions of everyday life itself, as well as his take on the people, community and beliefs.

The book got me interested in reading about the “Plain People,” as the various orders of Amish and Menonite people are called, and I checked “Crossing Over: One Woman’s Escape from Amish Life” by Ruth Irene Garrett & Rick Farant out of the library. The title pretty much says it all. It did not go into much of everyday life, but the very personal story of how Ruth left her family and Amish community and entered “English” (read: American. what we see as Normal.) life and married her non-Amish husband. While interesting, it seemed a bit one sided and left me wanting a more general book on these people.

Another book I have picked up, and am still reading, is “The Almond: The Sexual Awakening of a Muslim Woman” by Nedjma. I picked it up for the sexy cover, and so far, it’s OK. Honestly, a bit disappointing, as there is nothing to really make my blood run hot (hello, which is why I bought it!) and the storyline is ho-hum.

I’m also reading an old beat up paperback by one of my all time favorite authors, Lucy Maud Montgomery, of Anne of Green Gables fame. It is a short novel called, “Kilmeny of the Orchard,” and if you know L.M. Montgomery, then you are already of the race that knows Joseph, and need not be informed of anything further, other than to read it, if you have not already 🙂 If you are NOT familiar with this dear author, then it wouldn’t be a bad one to start with, as it is very short/ easy to get through, and will give you a good idea of her style. My favorites of hers are the Emily books, Jane of Lantern Hill, and The Blue Castle. And the Anne books (I’d be shot by all L.M. Montgomery fans on sight if I leave that out, but I like to think it’s a given.)

Books on my (albeit virtual) TO-READ stack:

Under the Banner of Heaven : A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer

No Man Knows My History : The Life of Joseph Smith
by Fawn M. Brodie

Early Mormonism and the Magic World View
by D. Michael Quinn

Memoirs of a Geisha

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
by Ann Brashares

I’d love to hear any recommendations to toss on the virtual pile.

And while I’ve been trying to read more, I’ve also (ALWAYS) been keeping up with my myriad of blogs. So many good writers out there in blog-world, it often makes me think, “what am i doing writing here, anyway?” but what can you do.

I read a lot of well written blogs, a lot of them mommy/daddy bloggers, but lately the blog that I’ve particular been digging is “Granny got a Vibrator” because while I love a good toddler poop story just as much as the next person, Liz always manages to make me think and question, and that is always good. I hope you’ll check her out.

– amy needs a little help from her friends.

Project Brainwash is… well, the brainwave patterns are being sent out. Frequently. I am being very annoying with my, “RAD!” and “TOTALLY RAD!” and “WOW, TOTALLY RAD DUDE!” all the time, every time. I’m just the raddest (annoying) mom EVER.

So far Ethan has only responded with, “I wish you would quit saying that, Mommy.”

HOWEVER! Jocelyn is succumbing to the brainwave patterns QUITE NICELY.

“Total. Lee. WAAAD, mommy! Total! Lee! WAAAAD!”

the rain is coming down, giving the world a scrub and making it look all fresh and green and lovely. My cube-mate and I are looking at it through our office window:

amy: the world is in such high resolution.
amy: I can’t beleive I said that.
cube-mate: I can’t believe you did either.
amy: yeah that was one that I shouldn’t have said out loud.
amy: it looks so clear. so crisp.
cube-mate: probably because of the rain.
amy: probably because i put in fresh contacts this week.

sometimes i feel so shackled.

they are shackles of my own choosing, but they are still there.

having a husband is a shackle. my life and my decisions are no longer my own. i cannot choose where my life will go, because i am not an “I.” I am part of a “we” and there is an entire other person who needs to be in on that choice. If my entire mindset shifts and I decide that I need to live on a commune in Africa for 6 months, I can hardly expect him to say, “Sounds great, let’s do it!” or “Have fun! I’ll pay the bills til you get back!”

And then there are my children. living on a commune in africa would put a real crimp on them, as they need to be fed (three whole times a day!) and bathed and dressed and their bottoms wiped and their stories read. They need to be told that their shoes are on the wrong feet, and that yes, they do have to have just one taste and then they can be excused. They need to be tucked in and hugged and snuggled and tickled. They need be mothered, and oh, right, that’s me, last time I checked. I wish the day would go by quicker, or I could leave earlier, so that I could go pick them up from school sooner and spend more time with them, but then after we’re home I find myself counting the minutes to bedtime or resenting James for leaving me alone for 10 minutes w/out saying a word.

For some reason this whole “your life is not your own” thing depresses me from time to time. I love my husband. More than when I married him. I love my children. I would never choose a decision made in the past that would not put me exactly where I am now. When things are gloomy and I am depressed though, this is what bubbles to the surface. Like that white goo/foam when you boil chicken bones to make stock. I guess this post is me skimming off the goo, and getting rid of it.

On the WHOLE other side of the coin, if I had no husband, and I had no children, I do not think I would do any of the things I fantasize about (and I don’t even fantasize. It’s just the possibility that I yearn for). I would just go home in my loner way and be more lonely and depressed than I already am. At least that’s what I tell myself to find some comfort. Truth? who knows. Probably the truth is if I weren’t so busy (with house, husband, and children), then I’d just have a lot more free time to be miserable.

Sometimes i wonder if i need therapy. i really do.

All these thoughts were drug to the surface after reading this post from Fussy. I’m not even sure why.

-amy

I had a dream about dying my hair (actually gave me a good idea) and everyone in the house coming down with head lice. It was GROSS and VERY DETAILED, complete with lice that were way way more oogey than real lice.

I wonder what my brain is trying to tell me.

… handier, DIY-er, craftier, sewing-er… And while I am at it.. I want a pony. And I want an invisible plane and a lasso, because when I get my 3 wishes, I will be WONDER WOMAN!

I have a slew of crafty blogs, including angry chicken, Loobylu (oh i hope they are doing well with their new addition), wee wonderfuls.. and then there’s the Readymade blog, Apartment Therapy, design*sponge & shelterrific..

I have them in their own folder in bloglines, and I usually neglect them for a week and then read a whole ton all in one slew. I should really cut this out, because it makes me wish I had more extensive sew, knit, wield a drill abilities than I actually do.

So when Hilary Lang from Wee Wonderfuls announced (and I actually read it! ON THE DAY!) that her reprint of her “Put-together Book No. 1 for Kitty, Bunny and Bear” is on sale, I skipped on over and ordered. LAST time it went on sale, I didn’t find out about it until it was SOLD OUT (which took like, 2 minutes, so if you want one of these people, hop over there quick!)

So when I get it, I will try my hand at a big footed bunny, me, who’s last sewing project was when I was 13, and I made myself a jean mini-skirt out of my favorite jeans that got a hole in the knee. I’m lying. I have a quilt that is sitting in a box in my guest room which was my last sewing project and is probably doomed to never be completed.

Hopefully I won’t be writing in a month (or a year!) about how my big-footed bunny was the last sewing project I attempted and is doomed to never be completed!

I also have an idea for craftiness that involves clothing for the kids, and NO SEWING and I know I will be able to do. I just have to remember to do it 🙂

-amy bamy bo bamy.