Ok, well, not really, though I *would* make out with her in a darkened bathroom if we both happened to be there and she were so inclined.

But I digress. I got all bloggy and addicted with blogginess* last year and was reading reading reading lots of BLOGS and sucking up all the archives and being cross references to all sorts of others and growing growing growing the whole bloglist when I came across hers and promptly died laughing and became more addicted than ever.

* Doesn’t that word suck? Don’t you just cringe when I say it? BLOGGY BLOGGY BLOGGY! I said it more in that paragraph, just for the cringe factor.

I read all her recent posts as they come out, but I also started at her very first post and have been reading through them all in order. This has been going on for a couple months now. She started in 1999, and is a prolific writer (to my immense joy!) However, in the back of my mind, as I’ve been reading through year 2003, I have been kind of eagerly awaiting getting up to where she and her husband decide to/talk about adopt their daughter, Nora.

And TODAY, I have gotten to that post!

So to celebrate the milestone, I would like to share with you the list of items that would be suitable to give to mimi, if you happened to be visiting on some holiday which required presents, or even if you just wanted to be a nice guest and surprise your hostess with a little gift. You will also realize as you read this, that I am a big fan of all things “smarty,” but let me assure you, I am not of the stalker variety (James would argue with me on this point, but shoosh, husband-talking-in-my-head.)

I’ll stop telling you what you are about to feel, and get on with it.

THINGS TO GIVE TO MIMI SMARTYPANTS, SHOULD THE OCCASION BE PRESENTED:

FOOD ITEMS, REAL OR OTHERWISE:

gummy worms
wheat thins
mopey lemon poppyseed muffin
(for LT:) frosting and miniature chocolate chips

OTHER ITEMS SHAPED LIKE FOOD:

a cd player in the shape of a hamburger
a singing apple with headphones

CLOTHING:

t-shirt that states: It takes me forever to make a sandwich
t-shirt that states: GRAVY BOAT STAY IN THE NOW!
a giant novelty afro wig
a still life painting, with a stapler and a fried egg portrayed.
fake lobster hands
fake incredible hulk hands

HOUSEHOLD ITEMS:

a bottle of febreeze
a self-inking stamp that says, “TASTY” or “LAME” (for lost pet flyers, or bad band posters)

MISCELANEOUS ITEMS:

a karaoke tape of Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded”
a severed head*

* It’s important to note that the severed head is not a “gift”, but something Mimi would like to find herself. Go read about it yourself.

So.. once again, I must remind you that no, I’m not of the stalker variety. I’ve just laughed out loud so many times that I *cough* started keeping a list, JUST IN CASE I ever meet mimi in person, I’d like to casually pass her a stapler with “GRAVY BOAT STAY IN THE NOW!” emblazoned on it.

I once indulged in quite a bit of mimi reading right before bed, and had a dream that I met her. I don’t remember much of it, but in the dream, she told me her real name and her husband’s, and I asked her why she calls him “LT” in the dream (which to me, always makes me think lieutenant). She said that it was because she was originally going to LINK TO his website, and so it stood for LINK TO. LT = LINK TO. How dumb is my subconscious? Jeepers.

James has been subjected to many aloud readings of Ms. Pants, but he usually enjoys them, after he’s done being irritated after I interupt him. As a result, when he’s working at home and decides to go make lunch, I’ll get a little IM window that announces, “I like things that are many and boiled!” which comes from a particularly memorable post, which you must go read right now. You know you want to. It has a llama puppet in it, so just go already. Llama puppet! LLAMA PUPPET!
Freaky fan-dom post over now. bye.