I really shouldn’t be allowed to write blog entries when my state of mind is below a certain percentage of happiness. (Percentage of happiness? Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to write blog entries at all! Good grief!) I’m doing better today with taco bell in my tummy and some caffeine flowing through my veins.

Good enough to at least relate a few cute kid stories before they fade from memory into oblivion.

Cute Kid Story #1: Kid – Ethan:

I picked Ethan up from school last Friday, after being out of school from Tuesday-Friday due to the ear infection/pink eye situation. Well, often we’re driving along and due to the car noise/radio noise/Ethan not speaking up, I don’t understand what he’s talking about. This is where the token, “Ahhhh.” gets used a lot, although I usually try to save that for when I’m hopelessly lost and he can’t make himself clear. Like when he’s gesturing. In the car. While I’m driving and thus can’t see him. And I can’t make him stop:

me: “Like what honey?”
ethan: “Like this mommy.”
me: “I can’t see you dear, I’m driving.”
ethan: “LIKE THIS!!!!!!!” (flailing going on behind my seat)
…
me: “Ahhhh.”

Anyway, so we’re driving, and Ethan is going on about something hurting and his sleeve. I don’t follow what he’s saying at all, but he’s talking so animatedly and he really wants me to understand, so I give it a try.

me: “What was that again Ethan?”
ethan: “I went like this, and then it hurt a little bit.”
me: “You went like what?”
ethan: “Like THIS!”
me: “Honey, I can’t see you while I’m driving, what motion are you making?”
ethan: “I wiped it with my sleeve!”
me: “Ahh, and it hurt?”
ethan: “Yes, it hurt, so we’ll need some Awctelmufflemuffle.”
me: “Some what?”
ethan: “Some muffletermfomuffle.”
me: “I can’t hear you honey, what do we need? Octoform?”
ethan: “No, OCTERMFUR!”
me: “Octermfur?”
(pause)
ethan: “Say Ahhhhh-”
me: “Ahhhh..”
ethan: “Tuhhhh-”
me: “Tuh..”
(at this point he goes into many many syllables that had no relation to the original word, and it was so damn cute I nearly pulled the car over to hug him.)
ethan: “Nerr-”
me: “Nerr..”
ethan: “FORM!”
me: “form?”
ethan: “Oct-oh-form!”
me: “Aha. Octoform.”
ethan: “Yes, we’ll need it to make it feel better.

Non-kid-having people may not realize the cuteness of this exchange, but when you’ve sounded out a ZILLION difficult to pronounce words for your child, then having him sound out a word for YOU is just about the most darling thing ever. I still had no idea what he was talking about however, but then I realized it was AQUAPHOR!!! This is a vaseline type ointment that we put on his lips when they get chapped, or more often, the area of skin between nose and lips that he bites on all day and makes sore and red. The little cutie was informing me that he needed some aquaphor for his face. All together now, “Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!”

Cute Kid Story #2: Child – Jocelyn:

Jocelyn can say a lot of words, and many of them are crystal clear. Drink. Nummies. Daddy. Mommy. Story. LOFTY! and I think her favorite, “Uh-huh.” She usually answers questions by the “Uh-huh.” or just a shake of her head.

Well, on Sunday we were sitting around in the family room watching something on tv. Mommy and Daddy are pretty much beat, since we’ve been hassling with our crooked tree (OH MY I haven’t told you about our crooked tree. Well I smell another update tomorrow.) Other parents know well the intricate process of trying to get their partner to deal with the little kid things that need dealing with such as refilling the drink, getting the toy down from the high surface, and the ever dreaded, changing of the diaper.

So it was while trying not to make eye contact with James that the following ensued.

Jocelyn picks up her sippy cup of soy milk and discovers that it is empty. She comes over to me and informs me, “Drink!” while putting the cup in my lap.

“Is your drink all-gone? OK, go give it to Daddy, and he’ll fill it up!” I try to hand her her cup back.

She obviously does NOT want the cup back, she wants ME to fill it, and she glances over at Daddy to see if he’ll do. Deciding the answer is definitely in the negative, she turns back to me, shoves the cup back toward me, and says “No.”

That’s it. That’s the story. Just a plain, “No,” but damn James and I hooted with laughter. And then James hooted some more as I had to get up and get her drink myself.

Cute Kid Story #3: Child – Ethan:

Also on Sunday, Ethan was downstairs after a very brief stint in his room doing lots of not-napping, while Jocelyn was in her room, napping. Naptime drew to a close and soon sounds of non-napping activity could be heard over the monitor.

me: “Sounds like someone is awake up there.”
ethan: “No, there’s NO ONE making all that noise up there!”
me: “Really? No one? Then where is all that noise coming from?”
ethan: “I don’t know, I can’t tell anybody!” (he says this a lot, either when he doesn’t remember or doesn’t’ want to get into it, “what did you do at school today, ethan?” “I don’t know, I can’t tell anybody!” – he nearly sings it, the booger)
me: Well, I think we’d better go up and see who’s making all that racket.”
ethan: “OK! Let’s go see! I bet it’s Ethan up there! I think Ethan is up there in Jocelyn’s crib making all that racket!”

???

– the mind boggles at what these kids think of.

Cute Kid Story #4: Kid – Ethan:

Another driving story.

But first some preface.

When Ethan was younger, I found storytelling a good way to enforce things we were trying to teach him. For example, there was a time period when he LOVED to take off his clothes. Including his diaper. He was also not potty trained at this time. If he then discovered something IN his diaper, he would proceed to play with it. Let’s just say the ensuing scene was NOT PRETTY. We called it “E cubed” – Ethan’s Excrement Extravaganza. Paint came off the walls from all the scrubbing.

Anyway, at bedtime, I would often tell Ethan a story, and I’d always start it, “Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Ethan.” And I would go through his day emphasizing the good choices he made (“and while Ethan was in bed for naptime, he remembered NOT to rip the pages of his book! And when his mommy came in, she was so proud!”), and the bad choices he made and the consequences there of, and generally I think they were pretty helpful to him, plus, he LOVES to hear stories about himself. Well, I still tell him stories, but instead of trying to stick a hidden “BE GOOD DAMMIT!” message in there, I vary it up. I have told him about how his Pookie Bear was once MY bear, when I was a little girl. I also told him the story about when he was born, scary gorey details of being cut open for the birth glossed over lightly.

SO! Back to the actual story. Yesterday after I’d picked Ethan up from school, we were driving home and he had his Pookie Bear with him. It had fallen on the floor.

ethan: “Mommy could you get my Pookie Bear?”
me: “Sure honey” (reaches around dislocates shoulder gives bear to boy)
ethan: “I just love Pookie Bear. He is the best bear ever!”
me: “He is! I love Pookie Bear too!”
ethan: “He used to be your bear Mommy. When I was just in your tummy. But then I decided to come out, and I came out in TWO minutes. And now Pookie Bear is ALL MINE!” (hugs Pookie Bear ferociously)

I had to call James and tell him that one. Especially about the 2 minutes part. If only. Obviously, he’s gotten these two stories mixed up somewhere. I just hope Pookie Bear wasn’t in there with him, in my tummy.

I tried to straighten him out, but it didn’t go well.

me: “Actually honey, Pookie Bear was my bear when I was just a little girl like you, before you were born. Before you were in my tummy. Even before Jocelyn was born or in my tummy.”
ethan: “No mommy, Jocelyn was in DADDY’S tummy.” This said with much attitude. Don’t you know anything mom? JEEZ!
me: (through the trying not to laugh) “No, Jocelyn was never in Daddy’s tummy, honey. Boys don’t have babies, only girls.”
ethan: “No, Jocelyn was in Daddy’s tummy, and I was in your tummy! Boys have boy babies and girls have girl babies!”

IF ONLY!!!!!

And we’re done with today’s episode of cute kid stories. Back to your regularly scheduled Tuesday.

amy is going to bring back “My sainted Aunt Fanny!” as the exclamation du jour.