* Name the movie! It’s one of my favorites!

It’s storytime!

I am walking down the hall from my cube to the kitchen when I remembered that I wanted to fill up my water bottle. Water = good. So, I turned back.

Then I thought, I can put my lunch in the microwave and THEN come get my water bottle thus saving time waiting around for the microwave to finish. So I turned back toward the kitchen.

THEN I thought about the distance between point A, my desk, and point B, the kitchen, and decided that my progress between point A and point B was less than 50% and thus turned back to head to my desk to retrieve said water bottle.

It was at this point that I realized that I just circled in place like a dog and if I kept this up someone was going to walk by and give me a bone or something so I beat it back to my desk and sat there, peering around the cubicle wall to see if anyone had seen my strange behavior and was shooting me “weird crazy new-girl” looks.

What’s that? Another story? But I just told you one!

Well, all right, but JUST THIS ONE.

The people that design women’s work wear, have no compassion. DO WOMEN NOT NEED POCKETS IN THEIR SKIRTS??? The answer is NO. Err, Yes. What was the question? I need pockets! And yet, none of my skirts have any. NONE. This is my fault, of course, for buying them w/out pockets in the first place, but seriously, if I waited around for pockets, I’d have no clothes. And while the walking in place in a circle thing would have been embarrassing if someone had caught me, I’m guessing it’d have been even more so with no clothes.

So, no pockets. This has led to some drastic changes in my being. For one, my cell phone has always been my mode of telling the time. I haven’t worn a watch since I was in high school. For some reason after the one I wore broke, I just never could find one I liked as much, and then I was used to NOT wearing one, and didn’t like the way they felt. The cell phone is always in my pocket, so if I needed the time, I just fished it out and checked.

So, when I was working in DC, taking the train, taking the metro, walking walking to my office.. Well, I really needed somewhere to stash my phone so I didn’t have to go rooting through my bag looking for it. One would think “Just buy a watch, dumbo,” but seriously, so strict was my non-watch attitude, that it never even occured to me. Until I found the perfect place for my phone – right in the middle of my bra. I would look around covertly and snuggle the phone down in between the boobs. I would walk merrily from office to metro station and be able to check the time with only getting a few strange looks a day. However, the “non-watch” philosophy was quickly shaken to it’s foundations after I had it on vibrate a few times and just about jumped out of my skin when it went off. Now, THAT will wake you up in the morning!

So, I wear a watch now. I searched and searched and found a watch that I could live with. It’s more of a bracelet, a piece of jewelry really, than a watch. It’s awful purty! The lasting effects of the no pockets situation however, is that now I randomly stick things in my bra when I have no where else to carry them. When I drop Ethan off at school, we have a security card to get into the building. Ethan likes to hold it and “beep!” us in, but then I take it and stash it away securely.

Other items that have been known to reside with the breasts:

1. My keys (this one is a daily occurance).
2. Many packets of Equal sweetener (also daily).
3. Spare Kleenex (but not in the usual way tissues are stuffed in the bra, I promise I don’t need them like THAT.)
4. Pens, paperclips, and various small office supplies.
5. Socks (Mine, Ethan’s, or Jocelyn’s. Never James. Ew.)
6. And in the last week, cough drops.

Sometimes when I get undressed for bed and take off my bra, the weirdest things show up that I have no recollection of putting in there. I think all the items are gettin’ busy and multiplying. PARTY IN THE BRA! NO COVER CHARGE!

Ahem.

OK, storytime’s over! Now off to bed!